Battle of the Bulge, Part 4

25 09 2009

By Sheila

Sabotage, thy name is candy.
 
Oh, if I weren’t such a devoted blogger, determined to stick to a truth-telling regimen in my weight loss journey, I would never post this column. It’s hard to admit when you’ve failed, but that is something I’ve become well acquainted with this week, and part of my healing process is being truthful when that’s happened.
 
You see this bowl?

Candybowl
 
It used to be full. Guess who helped get it down to its current levels?
 
Life has been stressful recently, and with that in clear view and within a few feet of me, I haven’t been able to resist chocolate’s siren call.
 
“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeilaaaaaaaaaa…. Come and eaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat me!”

Half the time I don’t taste it, I just know it feels good and helps take my mind off my dilemmas. I hate it, but it’s happening, and nothing can help me from sabotaging my own success.
 
Speaking of sabotage, there are different forms of it … there’s the kind we do to ourselves, as we try convincing ourselves that it’s ok to eat that one extra helping, or that one more scoop won’t hurt anyone. There’s also the sabotage other’s do to us. .. you know… that envious look in people’s eyes, the jealous tone to their congratulations they give you when you’ve lost some weight that makes you want to say ok to that second or third serving of what you know you shouldn’t have in the first place. 

And now, I’m asking because I really want to  know … how do you prevent yourself from committing and/or falling prey sabotage?

Battle of the Bulge, Part 1

Battle of the Bulge, Part 2

Battle of the Bulge, Part 3





Battle of the Bulge, Part 3

18 09 2009

By Sheila

Dear Food,

It’s not you, it’s me.

cuppycakesWe’ve been through so much together: you were there for me during late night cram sessons in college, you comforted me through heartbreaks, you helped me get through my last month of pregnancy. Between the popcorn free-for-alls on Friday night with my mom and early morning chocolate croissant runs, we’ve been there and back with each other for a very long time. I mean, come on — what a history we’ve shared!

Things have to end, though, this time forever. My body is telling me that it’s time to make a change, time to acknowledge the fact that in light of all the recent time spent in denial, our relationship isn’t as healthy as I’ve been pretending. In fact, this is a case of abuse, and I am the abuser.

Yes, I am an abuser of food, and it’s really hard for me to admit this because I’m the type that likes to be in control, and you never complain when I overindulge during moments of stress. Well, maybe if I eat too much hot sauce on Taco Tuesdays, but other than that, you’ve been the perfect accomplice for my many mindless overindulgences.

Things are going to change … I’m admitting that I have a problem, which is a huge first step. I bought a scale to weigh myself, a food scale, and I’m faithfully tracking my daily intake. I even wrote down exactly how much candy I’ve been eating in the mornings. And I typed in that I had 4 rice crispie treats yesterday.

That’s a huge step for me, the Queen of Denial. However hard it is to admit that I should have stopped at the first minispaghetti candy bar, I’m going to make sure that I never treat you with disregard again. After all, it’s a long way from the farm to my stomach, and I do respect the fact that you went through a lot to be presentable and delectable to my taste buds.

Food, after taking some time to think, I’ve realized that I’ve been mistreating you for a very long time and I’m sorry. The first step to recovery is admitting your wrongs, and I will fully admit that I’ve used you to try to cover up hurts, but the truth is, that’s not going to help anyone. Stuffing myself with empty calories long after the point of being full doesn’t hurt anyone except myself. 

One thing I’m learning is that there is something to the concept of savoring food, of actually tasting what I’m consuming. Small concept, big consquences. And, another thing, I will try to make sure to eat stuff that I can pronounce, not stuff that has ingredients that sound like they could also be used to fuel my car.

It’s a new game, Food, the start of a better relationship, and although I may falter now and again, I will do my very best to not take you for granted or mindlessly consume you anymore. I promise.

Love,

Sheila

Battle of the Bulge: Part 1
Battle of the Bulge: Part 2





Battle of the Bulge, Part 2

12 09 2009

By Sheila

Because this is a beauty blog that encompasses both inner and outer beauty, I’m sharing my journey as I attempt to reach my weight loss goal of fifty pounds within the next year.

If I were completely happy, I wouldn’t be doing this, but truth be told, I’m not satisfied with the status quo — the time has come for making a permanent change. My overall goal is to lose weight and also to finally conquer my food-related demons to make a life-long change.

So, here we go.

Step one – admitting my faults.

  • Vegetarian
  • Low-Carber /Atkins Devotee /Somersizer
  • Weight Watcher
  • Eating Disordered
  • Compulsive Overeater
  • Confused
My official before shot, may as well make it one where I’m all gussied up. What long-lost Kardashian sister do I think I am, anyway?

Offical before shot. What long-lost Kardashian sister do I think I am, anyway?

Yes, I’ve been all of those things in my life, the last on the list the title I’m currently sporting. In my life, I’ve gained and lost hundreds of pounds. No joke. I’ve been on a diet since I was 11, concerned with my weight since way before that, and never entirely satisfied with my self-image. That’s a LONG time to feel that way!

When I lost a large amount of weight before I fell pregnant with my son, I was a hard-core low carb devotee. Low carb eating DOES for many people, but there is little room for error, and lets get real – when it comes down to it, I’m really not going to say no to that slice of cake at a birthday party, and little slips like that are what cause all good intentions to come to an end.

Here’s what I’m doing wrong, generally speaking:

  • No real plan
  • Not being mindful of what I’m eating
  • Being in denial

Something I’ve learned in my life: if you don’t fully understand why you’re gaining weight in the first place, any dreams of losing weight for good are hopeless, because you’ll inevitably go back to your old habits. I’m hoping to get to that place where, if I look at a slice of cake, I can have just that one slice, and not fall so hopelessly off the ball that there is no hope of returning until I try again a year later. That may sound a little dramatic, but if you don’t have a healthy relationship with food to begin with, it’s reality.

Step 2: How am I going to do this?

When it comes down to the nitty gritty, I believe that long-term weight loss is about not eating so darned much and moving around more often, and scientific research backs this up.

Here’s what I’m planning on changing right now:

  • Track food intake. This part scares me, but it’s necessary.

Truth be told, I have never known what a proper portion size is like. Funny how the mind works – I really do think I’m eating ok, but this plate of spaghetti (my second serving, btw) would beg to disagree. Fortunately, it’s easy to do this with programs like fitday, which is free to use online.

It’s going to be a challenge. There may be tears involved. But it’s all about those baby steps, baby – the small you can take towards your larger goal.

Have you made any changes to your eating habits recently?

See Battle of the Bulge, Part 1 here.