Belly Bumps and Tattoine

31 08 2009

By Megan

So, this week’s Project Runway centered on a maternity outfit challenge with a very pregnant Rebecca Romijn. I think this is a particularly cool challenge because most maternity clothing designers are under the assumption that once you get knocked-up you want to look like Holly Hobby or the Captain of the HMS Pinafore.

I was pleasantly surprised at these designers attitude towards maternity wear. In the past, when designers had to design for a less than perfect figure it was a disaster. Pouting designers yelling, “ but I am used to a size twooooo”, snarking on moms until they cried, and creating hellacious mumu’s were de –rigueur for past challenges of the “real-life” body sort. Now, these dresses were fitted to models wearing pillows, so the effect wasn’t quite right, but it’ll do for now.

It is way too early in the season for me to care about all the designers, there are just far to many egos and too many pieces of draped fabric for me to go through every style. So, in the interest of our readers I am going to stick to the best and the truly awful.

The one dress that made me question my sanity was the designer Althea’s maternity gown. The judges, all of whom were at one time pregnant, LOVED this look. I don’t know if blonde supermodels or petite fashionistas have this side effect, but my breasts became ENORMOUS when I was pregnant. I went from a C-cup to attracting satellites. There is no way that a pregnant woman’s bust could fit into a pair of tiny triangles without looking like some sick and wrong exotic dancer.

Then we have Mitchell. Oh Mitchell, a 7th grade home-ec class can make a shirt and a pair of shorts. I think Mitchell HAS something, but unfortunately I don’t think it is opposable thumbs. Not that he is a monkey, but he sure sews like one.

The train wreck of the night was Malvin. Malvin decided the BEST outfit for an uncomfortable, self conscious, and irate pregnant woman included jodhpurs. Oh, also, he wanted to make her look like an egg complete with feathers. He claims he is conceptual, I just think he has Star Wars problems. In my opinion, Malvin wants to dress everyone like Jedi. Not prequel Jedi’s, oh no, we are talking Obi-Wan Kenobi hiding out on Tattoine making his own clothing. You know, before Luke showed up and introduced him to space-aged polyester materials. Now I am disappointed in Runway, because they got rid of Malvin well before he could make more memorable fashion disasters. Has Runway gone soft? I am praying that the producers aren’t trying to appeal to their imagined “ Lifetime” audience.

The winner was Shirin with a beautiful wine-colored dress. She did some amazing voodoo hand stitching that looked like she cast a braiding spell on the fabric. Louise put together a stunning Retro lingerie-inspired dress ( yeah, that’s a whole lot of concept). The dress was elegant and I could see it on a red carpet.

Unfortunately for our winners, you just can’t follow egg feathered pregnancy gear. Trying to follow that is like trying to follow and 85-year-old woman singing ABBA’s Dancing queen. You could sing like Celine Dion, but no one is going to remember you.


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